Tuesday, October 9, 2012
The artist within me craves the blank canvas, the blank paper, and the empty walls.
I crave the emptiness of it all because I am addicted to the act of making something out of nothing.
The unlimited potential of a white space is inspiring.
I notice white spaces everywhere I go. White spaces stare me down from oversize billboards on the freeway, font spacing in a book, and on the Internet. And I love it. I buy notebooks and erase the white spaces with stories and doodles and character sketches... and then I do it again. The act of filling white spaces with ideas and stories (for me) is invigorating and wonderful.
Yet, if I take a moment to flip open my calendar...white spaces are non-existent.
White spaces disappear with soccer games, car pooling, field trips, and volunteering at the school.
Daily, I attempt to squeeze in writing time with a permanent marker pressed against my calendar. I want to write a book and I will write it right now.
Sometimes writing time happens.
Other times it does not.
And the inconsistency drives me nuts.
Six years ago, I graduated from Texas Womans University with a Bachelor Degree in Psychology.
In less than three years, I obtained a four year degree.
It wasn't easy.
But I knew I wanted it and I was willing to sacrifice for it.
Enrolled in 20+ credits a semester, my Friday nights were often spent in the library... with my husband. We'd share a Lara Bar and steal kisses in between subjects. It was very romantic.
Result? I graduated fast with an awesome GPA.
Sometimes I confuse writing with my college years.
I want to write books. And I want to do it right now. And I am willing to fill in every possible white space with my laptop until it happens.
Writing, however, is not a quick degree program.
The desire to write sometimes requires years of dedication and practice.
Publication is not the end of the road because there is always more to learn.
Finding the balance between my dream to write and my need for white space is challenging... and at times I find myself questioning the dream. Is writing worth the fight?
The answer is Yes.
Writing is worth the fight... but only when I am patient with myself.
Just like Rome, good books are never written in one day.
My dream to write is real and alive and I want it. But I have other dreams as well. I want to live a life filled with laughter and friends. I want to chase my kids around the house with tickle fingers nightly and I want to kiss my husband more.
I love giving each one of my dreams attention. But I can't sacrifice white space and family dreams for my writing... and I can't sacrifice writing. And so I will continue to write each day... even if it is only one word at a time. Writing (for me) is not a race to the finish line. Writing is an incredible journey that can bring joy with each and every word.
I am going to take a step back from the big picture and learn to find joy in the journey.